How Does the One-Sided Friendship Work?

We all have that friendship, you know the one I am talking about, you give and give and the other friend takes and takes. It is amazing that you are even friends, but for some reason, you get drawn right back in. Sure, you guys may have been friends for a long time, she is the fun friend who is always up for fun, but what happens when all that friend does is take and nothing is ever being given?

Toxic Friendships

These types of friendships can be nothing short of toxic. Yes, this can happen in romantic and other relationships also, but in friendships it seems to be more common. Everyone has had that friend that did nothing but take and in the give department, you barely got anything. You loved that friend for the good times you had together, but in the bad times, this friend almost disappeared. They became like a ghost in your life.

These friends hurt worse than an enemy

Friends like this can hurt more than an enemy. You expect an enemy to hurt you, but a friend, not so much. What is so bad about this also is that you can get to the point where you are not even nice to the friend anymore. Getting short with your friend over little things becomes a daily occasion. When you see their number on caller id, you begin to cringe and it just brings out the worse in you.

I have often heard it said that “when you date someone, they should bring out the best in you, not the worst.” It is safe to say, this applies to friendships as well. Being alone can be better than this type of friendship.

The saddest part of it all is that the friend does not see what they are doing. You can tell them and tell them and they see none of it. They are quick to point out your faults, but extremely slow in realizing theirs. Your feelings just never seem to matter.

We have all had that friend

Once I had a friend like this. She milked me for all it was worth. This was my fun friend who I could rely on to always be there for me to have fun with. She wanted to talk about her problems, but when it came time to talk about mine, that conversation was short-lived. My problems were an afterthought.

This friend seemed to never want to see me happy. Our situations were always compared and she would point out the negative in them. I remember one time, I invited her to spend some time with me to get away. Do you know I paid for every single thing that weekend? She never offered, not once! Resentment began to creep in.

I was warned

This did not start out this way, or at least I was blind to it. She did not come across like this, but slowly, her true colors began to show and then I had people warn me about her. People were calling me to tell me that she was no good and to stay away. “I just couldn’t turn my back on my friend! What kind of friend does that?”

We would be talking on the phone and I would have to pray for sanity when I got off. She painted these pictures that were full of insanity and craziness. The kind of craziness that reels you right in and you begin to take on these characteristics. Not healthy, not at all.

Giving too much in a relationship can ruin it. Many times you will give more during a certain period in a relationship. You will give, but there will come a time when it comes back to you. You get all of the good back. This is a more healthy relationship and the reason we end up giving so much. We always think that the situation will change and we will get it back, but we hardly ever do.

Being a giver is not bad

Giving is not a bad thing and I love to give. I love to make people happy and know that I was part of that reason, but when someone takes and takes and takes and never gives, it sets the tone for a relationship gone bad.

The Bible says that a true friend is like iron sharpening iron. This means that the friendship is beneficial to you. Friendship like this lifts you up, instead of draining the life out of you. There are times when a friend can be frustrating, but a true friend will love you anyway and will help you to realize this.

We all have had a friend like this at one time or another. The choice is ours on how to handle it. You can put up with that person and drain every piece of joy from your life as the relationship gets more and more toxic or you can end it. Ending a friendship is not easy, but when you have a friend like this, I say run, not walk away from them. In the end, your sanity will thank you.

What happens when you try hard to be who you are not?

Most people, especially teenagers, at some time in their lives have tried too hard to fit in. They have tried too hard to be who they are not. Wanting people to like you and to accept you can be painful. We often only think of this as happening to teenagers, but it can also happen to you as you get older.

From brunette to blonde

I am a brunette. Actually, I am more than just a brunette. I have dark hair, eyes and skin. My coloring is definitely dark. Blonde hair is always something that I have desired for myself. When I was in high school, I used Sun-In. For those of you that don’t remember Sun-In, it was basically peroxide in a bottle, you would spray it on your hair and then go out into the sun and it would bleach your hair. The idea was to get that blonde, beachy hair that looked kissed by the sun. This was unless you were a brunette like me, then your hair would turn a lovely shade of orange! I did this for a year and it was an okay look, but orange was really not what I was going for.

I would try to get highlights from time to time, but it was never what I really wanted. The look I wanted was blonde hair. Blonde hair like that gorgeous, golden shade of Jennifer Anniston. That was what I wanted.

I was about to go blonde

One day, as I was much older, I went into a salon and said I want blonde hair. The stylist did warn me that it was a process. She said it would take several treatments to get it good and blonde, but she could do it. I was thrilled.

Now, I knew nothing about going blonde and the process being inflicted on my hair. Your hair is bleached and I mean stripped of all color, when it is as dark as mine. The bleaching, for those of you that don’t know, completely dries your hair out. This was something I was really not aware of.

I went through the process and my hair was blonde. It was long and blonde, just what I always wanted. The compliments were flowing. To be honest, I could not believe how good it looked.

My hair was falling out

In the bathroom, I was beginning to see more hair. The ladies I worked with were telling me that they could tell my hair was breaking off. Still, I did not do the proper research on what would need to be done to care for this new hair and my stylist did not inform me either. One other negative to this was that because my natural hair was so dark, I was getting touch-ups more frequently because my roots were showing, this meant more bleaching and drying out of my hair.

Then there was the morning my bangs went missing. Yes, you read that right, my bangs had broken off. Pieces of hair were breaking off in chunks! I was asking who to go to for help with this and was given the name of someone with a specialty for such a disaster.

It was time to cut it off

She took one look at my hair and gave me the news I did not want to hear, “I have to cut your hair off, but you  are lucky you have a pretty face,” she added. Tears began to flow and flow and flow as she cut my hair. I felt as if my beauty was being cut off with my hair. Who likes short hair? Guys don’t like short hair? Doom was the only feeling I was in touch with at this point.

Here I was crying over hair. Yes, I know, it is ridiculous getting upset over something like hair. There are bigger problems, but I just could not think of them right now.

What would have happened if I had not tried to change into something I am not? God did make me dark, this was before the Kardashians came along and brunettes became cool, why was I trying to change it? How many times in our lives do we try to change who God made us to be instead of accepting this and just workin’ it!

We need to accept who we are

This was a minor example of what happens when we try to be something other that who we are. There are bigger examples out there of people who do more dramatic things to change who they are. These things do not always involve looks, they can involve shopping and buying things to be like others. People try to change their personalities to be who those they want to be friends with or date will accept. I get tired just thinking of all the different things people do to change who they are!

God must look down and cry when we do this. He made us who we are and we are special to Him. He loves us for how we are and wants us to be content with that person.  I guess you could say the bottom line here is being content with who God made you to be.

Being content is hard, but when you are content with who God made you to be, you are at peace with yourself. This peace is something there is no substitute for.

Next time you get the urge to do something that is crazy to get people to like you or change something about yourself that makes absolutely no sense, think about how God made you. How you are unique and like no-one else. There is only one you and that you is special. Remember that and know that you can be at peace with who you are, despite when the world says otherwise.

How does it feel when prayers are answered little by little?

Many times we pray and we don’t get our answer all at once, but little by little. We often think the answers should come with a “bang”! We think that praying involves getting the answer all of a sudden, whether we get that answer quickly or it is a long drawn out process.

A long drawn out process. Don’t you just hate when that happens on the way to what you want?We want quick, fast and now! However, when it comes to our prayers there are times we get little answers along the way to the big answer.

Weight loss can be like answered prayers

I have a weight problem. Yes, I am just like most women out there, but I have to watch and I mean really watch, my weight. Being able to eat anything and not gain weight, is not a luxury I have. Exercising is something I have to do just to keep things in check. I once told someone if I didn’t exercise, I would weight about 300 pounds! If I am not watching myself and kind of “fall off the wagon” with my eating, the pounds can pile back on quite fast.

We all know that gaining weight is super easy. You are feeling good and one cheat day leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another. All of a sudden, I have gained around 20 pounds and nothing fits. I hate when this happens!

Weight gain happened right before summer

This happened to me at a crucial time in my life. It was right before summer. So while many women have this great body that they have worked hard for to start the summer, I had quite the opposite. There were some extra pounds that found their way onto my body and showing it off was the last thing I wanted to do.

That summer started with me really working on my weight and body. I was cutting calories, eating healthy, saying no to desserts, and working out like crazy. Sometimes I was even working out twice a day! I was full of determination. I was scared to get on the scale, but I knew I had to. It was time to see the progress.

I know the right way to lose weight

We all know the healthy way to lose weight. You know, two to three pounds a week is healthy. After two weeks, I decided to weigh myself. I stepped on the scale and I had only lost one pound. No!!!!  The devastation was setting in. I began to feel good and I just knew that I had lost at least five pounds, but one, you have got to be kidding me!

I upped my game and began to exercise even more and ate less. Week three is going to be the week the weight loss really shows up, I just know it. The same morning as last week I got up, because you should always weigh on the same day at the same time each week, aren’t you? The scale only registered a loss of two pounds! The scale was about to go straight through the window.

My mom couldn’t even help me

I called my mom. My mother was sick of me talking about my weight. She knew I wanted to lose weight, but this was all I began to talk about. Suggestions she gave me were to join Weight Watchers or see a nutritionist or something similar where someone could help me. I did a little research and found a nutritionist to go and see.

We sat down and went over what I had been doing to lose weight. The nutritionist felt that I was eating and exercising appropriately. She said I was losing at the right pace and that I should not give up. There were a few things to tweak in my diet, but overall, I was on the right track.

Not what I wanted to hear

This was not exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted her to give me some fast track to get this weight off. Instead, she told me I was doing things right and that many times you do lose weight slowly. I felt upset, but what choice did I have? If I wanted to see the large results, they would have to happen little by little.

Prayer answers can take a long time

Many times we have a prayer we are praying. We want the answer right away, but sometimes it is a long time before you get your answer. There are other times it might take awhile, but it is more like a gradual process. You get little answers, little rays of light, that let you know the answer is coming. These things are there to give us hope. Quite honestly, we need these little rays of light to keep us going.

We all know that God is good and that He can do the impossible, but when the impossible is taking a while, you can feel defeat and want to give up. The little by little is what keeps us going. This little by little gives us perseverance in our faith and in our prayers. When we see that God is working, we get our hopes up and keep on praying and our faith becomes that much stronger.

The weight came off gradually

By the end of that summer, I lost the twenty pounds. It was not in time for a cute bathing suit, but I still lost it. I felt good and even though the process was gradual, it was much easier to keep off and stay in that healthy lifestyle.

The next time you are praying and you get little pieces of hope here and there, just know that these small pieces, are going to lead to the big answer. These small pieces are there to keep us hanging on and to keep our faith strong. They are there to lead us to the large answer, which makes it all worth it.