We all have that friendship, you know the one I am talking about, you give and give and the other friend takes and takes. It is amazing that you are even friends, but for some reason, you get drawn right back in. Sure, you guys may have been friends for a long time, she is the fun friend who is always up for fun, but what happens when all that friend does is take and nothing is ever being given?
These types of friendships can be nothing short of toxic. Yes, this can happen in romantic and other relationships also, but in friendships it seems to be more common. Everyone has had that friend that did nothing but take and in the give department, you barely got anything. You loved that friend for the good times you had together, but in the bad times, this friend almost disappeared. They became like a ghost in your life.
These friends hurt worse than an enemy
Friends like this can hurt more than an enemy. You expect an enemy to hurt you, but a friend, not so much. What is so bad about this also is that you can get to the point where you are not even nice to the friend anymore. Getting short with your friend over little things becomes a daily occasion. When you see their number on caller id, you begin to cringe and it just brings out the worse in you.
I have often heard it said that “when you date someone, they should bring out the best in you, not the worst.” It is safe to say, this applies to friendships as well. Being alone can be better than this type of friendship.
The saddest part of it all is that the friend does not see what they are doing. You can tell them and tell them and they see none of it. They are quick to point out your faults, but extremely slow in realizing theirs. Your feelings just never seem to matter.
We have all had that friend
Once I had a friend like this. She milked me for all it was worth. This was my fun friend who I could rely on to always be there for me to have fun with. She wanted to talk about her problems, but when it came time to talk about mine, that conversation was short-lived. My problems were an afterthought.
This friend seemed to never want to see me happy. Our situations were always compared and she would point out the negative in them. I remember one time, I invited her to spend some time with me to get away. Do you know I paid for every single thing that weekend? She never offered, not once! Resentment began to creep in.
I was warned
This did not start out this way, or at least I was blind to it. She did not come across like this, but slowly, her true colors began to show and then I had people warn me about her. People were calling me to tell me that she was no good and to stay away. “I just couldn’t turn my back on my friend! What kind of friend does that?”
We would be talking on the phone and I would have to pray for sanity when I got off. She painted these pictures that were full of insanity and craziness. The kind of craziness that reels you right in and you begin to take on these characteristics. Not healthy, not at all.
Giving too much in a relationship can ruin it. Many times you will give more during a certain period in a relationship. You will give, but there will come a time when it comes back to you. You get all of the good back. This is a more healthy relationship and the reason we end up giving so much. We always think that the situation will change and we will get it back, but we hardly ever do.
Being a giver is not bad
Giving is not a bad thing and I love to give. I love to make people happy and know that I was part of that reason, but when someone takes and takes and takes and never gives, it sets the tone for a relationship gone bad.
The Bible says that a true friend is like iron sharpening iron. This means that the friendship is beneficial to you. Friendship like this lifts you up, instead of draining the life out of you. There are times when a friend can be frustrating, but a true friend will love you anyway and will help you to realize this.
We all have had a friend like this at one time or another. The choice is ours on how to handle it. You can put up with that person and drain every piece of joy from your life as the relationship gets more and more toxic or you can end it. Ending a friendship is not easy, but when you have a friend like this, I say run, not walk away from them. In the end, your sanity will thank you.